The weather here is finally crisp enough to hint at winter, and the mornings grow more frequent when I open my windows to see a glittering haze of frost on the yard. I pause as I walk past the vents in our house, eager for the warmth on my toes. By the time evening comes, I’m ready for a warm blanket, a fire, and a cup of steaming tea between my hands.
At least in my part of the world, as the weather grows colder, we begin to think about the holidays. Our family has already started the coordinating of plans, and as I am accosted by sales and advertisements accompanied by jingling bells, I’m feeling the pressure to begin our own quests for thoughtful gifts for loved ones. The season from now until the end of the year is a marathon of preparations, feasts, and family activities as the holidays follow each other in close succession. It’s delightful. But it can also be stressful.
It’s such a shame, really, that a season that should be filled with joy and warmth can be tainted by stress and busyness. It’s a shame that it’s all too easy to lose sight of the invitation to give thanks, to remember the coming of Christ to our world, to reflect on the past year. So as our toes are just beginning to dip into this season, I’ve been thinking about what within my heart, mind, and schedule can be altered to reduce that stress and focus on the right things.
In this timely season, I’ve been reading Richella Parham’s new book Mythical Me: Finding Freedom from Constant Comparison. One phrase has especially stuck with me as I’ve thought about the holiday season (and hospitality as a whole). The words struck a nerve as I read them and are now copied on a notecard and taped in my kitchen. They summarize a lesson I’ve been in the process of learning and relearning for years: You were made to bless, not to impress.
You see, some of the holiday craze is related to overloaded schedules and overcommitment, but some of it has to do with my heart. What if all of my actions were motivated by a desire to “bless and not impress”? What if I can shake off the motivation of comparing myself? Or the nagging thought of other people doing that comparison for me?
I clean my house, yes, and make it a warm and welcoming place, but not because of a concern of what people will think but rather as a means to bless them. I take time to thoughtfully select and purchase gifts, yes, as a means of blessing and (hopefully) delight, but I let go of the fears of projected judgments of what they’ll think of me, the gift-giver. I make food—my jobs during the holidays are cinnamon rolls (for Christmas morning) and apple pies (as much as possible)—but instead of worrying about whether it’s award-winning, I’m focused on the fruits of my oven as a means of sharing with those I love. Do you see the difference?
I know that not all of you are like this (at least I hope not), but also I know that so many of us can fall into the comparison trap. We spend so much time worrying about what other people think of us, worried if we’ll measure up. This anxiety is fueled by an unrealistic projection of what “perfection” might be (and an assumption that everyone else is holding us to that standard and a fear that if they see we fall short they’ll somehow love or value us less). In my experience, this adds fuel to my stress, not because it puts more on my plate (though sometimes it does) but because it adds mental and emotional pressure to the things already on my plate. It’s a vicious cycle. And it’s rooted in far too much navel-gazing.
So, as we enter this season of the year, a season in which there are so many opportunities to be a blessing—through giving, through feeding, through hosting family and friends—let this be the attitude of all of our hearts: You were made to bless, not to impress. And may we all find freedom in this truth.
I’d recommend Richella’s book, Mythical Me, to any of you who struggle with comparison. I found it to be encouraging—and she offers some practical steps to take to break free from it. You can find it wherever books are sold.